Die to Self
Die to Self
Fair warning: Unpopular opinion to follow.
Have you heard the phrase, “Die to self?” All Bible lessons aside…isn’t this what motherhood is about? Putting the needs of others ahead of our own...including (and, in my case, especially) our ego???
This morning was particularly rough. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never smooth trying to get 5 kids ready for school at 6 am but THIS morning...
…omgoodness…
One child refused to shower. I literally had to send him back to the shower 3 times and finally realized he was just sitting in the bathroom fully clothed while the shower ran thinking I would never know.
The other 4...doing everything in their power to hack him off. And, in the process, completely ignoring the very little that I expect from them in the mornings: put on clothes, brush teeth, pick up room, stay out of trouble.
Once again, I’m late for work.
I was furious.
Like...ready to cancel all fun, treats, and birthdays for the REST OF THEIR LIVES (we have two birthdays this next week).
Inside, I was pitching an epic hissy-fit. I thought, “I sacrifice everything for you people. I painted your nails last night instead of my own. I took you to a corporate picnic and sat in the heat so you could have cotton candy and snow cones. I drive you around the county to ball games. I work my tail off doing what can only be described as 4 or 5 full-time jobs and THIS is how you treat me??”
As I was leaving my office to shuttle #1 to baseball practice, my second trip for these ridiculous children before 9:00 today, my mind was reeling with how unfair everything is, I heard the Spirit say: “DIE TO SELF”.
Umm…what???…
The truth is, selflessness or dying to self is not natural. It’s absolutely against every fiber of our being. Humankind is selfish. It’s how we survive and often how we succeed. Everywhere we turn we’re told we need to “practice self-care”, “focus on yourself”, “look out for #1”, and even that "God helps those who help themselves”. These little lies create a tension between us and everyone we come into contact with. In particular, our family. We get angry if we feel we’ve been slighted or treated unfairly. We seek revenge when we’re hurt. We see ourselves as taken advantage of and unappreciated.
But friends, this is not right. This is not who we were created to be. Our purpose is so much bigger than just pleasing ourselves.
I am a Mom.
Yes, it’s just a part of who I am. Just one of my many “jobs". However, it is currently the largest part of myself and my most important job. And done correctly, it requires tremendous sacrifice. It requires late nights and early mornings. Giving up the things I want to do to ensure my kids are safe and healthy. Doing whatever it takes to make my children feel loved.
Besides, it’s impossible to teach selflessness without modeling it.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice―the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him.”
We are to offer our very being as a LIVING sacrifice. This means two things:
We never lose our power to choose. We can get up off this alter and walk away any time we want. But, because of this:
“This is not a one-and-done situation. We must choose every minute of every day to stay on that altar. We must choose to DIE TO SELF every single moment of our lives. ”
Let me tell you, it’s exhausting. Personally, I am often too tired to stay there on the altar of selflessness. Sometimes, I walk away. I seek myself and the things I want, But, inevitably it ends with mornings like this morning. I cry out to God that my life isn’t fair and please fix my children only to realize that I’m the broken one.
And, isn’t that just how life is?? In my pursuit to be a good mom and to please my Creator, I jump off that altar. I run around trying to do everything on my own finding only anxiety, anger, and emptiness. But, when I DIE TO SELF, God sits with me. He takes care of my children. And then I find peace, joy, and REST.
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