The One that Almost Was

Goodness, I had hoped for better news for you today.

We have spent the last two months getting to know an awesome Mom who found our profile online and chose us to adopt her unborn child. The baby's due date was March 14, she was scheduled to be induced Monday, he was born Monday afternoon, she decided last night to parent.

As we drove home from St. Louis late last night, much sooner than we expected and missing one passenger we expected to have, I thought a lot about these last two months. We were so sure this was finally "it" for us and now, it just felt like a waste. There was such a wide range of emotions that we went through, it took us the full four hours home to process what had just happened. Personally, I went through emotions like:

Confusion, God had orchestrated this entire situation. She sought us out, we did not seek her.
Sorrow, this was probably my only chance to have a baby.
Betrayal, I had gotten to know the Mom quite well.
Lost, What do we do now?

I camped out quite a bit on guilt and shame. I felt like we were letting everyone down, our friends and family will be so disappointed!

Here is where I've landed this morning:

God knew this would be the Mom's decision. Which means,
this was not about the baby, it was about her.

Because of those two truths, I have no regrets. I hope and pray that I was able to show her a small fragment of God's love for her that she can carry with her as she raises her precious baby boy.

The good news is that I get to keep writing (I hope that's good news for you)! And, Jared promised me a vaycay! 😎

Thank you for your support and words of encouragement. Don't give up on us yet!

Much love,